…that my life is being run by my toddler (sometimes anyway)
- The word NO does not mean “stop” or “don’t do that” anymore. It now means “sure, carry on, don’t mind me, I’m just pretending to try and stop you from chucking your toys out the window where the dogs can eat them” or “by all means, continue to hit me in the head with the TV remote – it feels great.”
- I can, at any given time, pull out a snack or toy or wet wipe from my handbag. Even when there is no kiddie in sight. (You don’t realise how handy snacks and wet wipes are until you become a parent)
- If hair clips go missing, check the couch. My theory is that there is an invisible magnet down there that attracts them, so if you can’t find any it means that it is time to dig between the seats and initiate project clip rescue.
- Your toddler always wants a bite or spoonful of what you are eating, and you can remind her ’til you are blue in the face that she doesn’t like it, but she will not give in so you might as well just give her a piece, and get the broom and dustpan so you can sweep it up after she spits it out in disgust.
- You find yourself walking around the office humming the theme song for Jake and the Neverland Pirates or Sofia the First (toons on Disney Junior), which is downright embarrassing when someone stops to ask you what that song is. I usually just look confused and say “was I humming?” and then quickly walk away.
- When your child is asleep you enjoy the quiet time, but when she is awake, you fear for what is taking place in the menacing silence.
- Going to the bathroom alone is a luxury which doesn’t occur very often.
- Every time you see a dog you find yourself saying “hello doggy”…even when you are alone. Passers-by must think I am a few sarmies (sandwiches) short of a picnic basket.
- When you are visiting a friend’s house with toddler in-tow you immediately scan the room for breakables that can be destroyed in the tornado that is your child, and you lift them to a higher surface. There we go friends, I now offer free re-decorating whether you need it or not…sorry.
- My car is no longer purely for transport. It is a portable storage unit for a pram, extra blankets, clothes, toys and whatever else Paige leaves in it when we go on outings.
I am pretty sure I could extend this list quite considerably because I thought of more tell-tails this morning, but let’s just leave it at that shall we because I think my preggy brain is starting to kick in already and I just can’t remember them all. You get the idea.