Round 2

I recently found myself thinking about trying for a second little bean.  When is the right time? How do know if you are emotionally/physically/mentally/financially ready to start all over again?

A simple answer has occurred to me…you don’t know.  There is no right or wrong time that can be used as a guideline for the gazillions of parents out there thinking about having their 2nd or 3rd or 4th or…no more! Please! That is just too many mini-me minions!

I don’t think – no matter how ‘easy’ it was the first time around – that you are ever really ready to do it all again.  The constant cycle of feed, burp, sleep, cry, change, rinse, repeat..pretty much every 2 hours! I mean really, that is ridiculous!

We are all a bunch of nutters actually.  We just get past the 2-hourly feeds and the colic and sleepless nights, and the completely useless stages of a baby, then our baby becomes a toddler, and starts walking and babbling and becomes fun.  And then what do we do?  We say to ourselves, “Hey, life is just starting to get a little normality back again so I have a great idea – let’s have another baby and start all over again”.

Why do we feel the need to punish ourselves?  I’ll tell you why.  Because through all of the zombie days without makeup and bad ponytail hair, we learn about a love that cannot compare to any other feeling that exists in, or beyond our world.

Our daughter Paige is 17 months and 1 week – so in simple speak, she is almost 1.5 years young.  My husband and I have been talking about maybe trying for round 2 towards the end of this year.  Things don’t always work according to plan though.  Stuff happens in life, and one night you find yourself sitting in bed, with time ticking away to midnight, and your eyes are puffy from crying about crappy news regarding the health of a sibling, and your uncle is in hospital fighting for his life, and you look at each other and think the exact same thing, as if your thoughts were from one mind…

“What are we waiting for?”

We want our parents to dote over their grandkids, and our grandparents to at least cuddle their great-grandkids, our siblings need to know their  niece/nephew, and our extended family must meet the next generation of our bloodline.   We are family people and it is important to us.

So, here we are, 5-6 weeks later, with the recent fantastic news that I am about 4-5 weeks pregnant.  We couldn’t be happier about anything else right now and at the same time we are petrified.

One was hard enough to look after.  How the blooming heck are we going to care for two little terrors?!?

Answer:  We just will.  Because you find an inner strength that you never knew you had and the mommy/daddy gene just kicks in and somehow, through all the crying and pooping and spitting up (the baby, not us – okay so maybe we will cry a little), you know what to do.  And it will all be okay.

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It is still early days and baby no.2 will only be due around April 2015, but I thought this would be a great opportunity for me to share my personal pregnancy experience.  I’m going to blog about the good, the bad and the downright uncomfortable, so if you want the truth, without the frills and white lies, then stay tuned.

Don’t get me wrong, being pregnant is a pretty amazing experience, and the end result is obviously worth it, but wow there are some awkward and occasionally embarrassing moments.  (Sometimes it helps to share and laugh about it together)

I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

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Social Life…What’s That Again?

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I could not be happier.  Since Paige was born, my hubby and I have realised just how empty our lives were – and I don’t mean that we were wondering around aimlessly, I mean that we thought we knew what love was…then BAM, Paige arrived and we realised that what we knew was just a fraction of what was actually possible.  Cool hey.

That said, being a mom is tough.  Never-mind the endless little chores and responsibilities that come with having a kid, but I feel the ability to have a semi-normal social life slipping away (at an alarming rate I might add).

I acknowledge that it is most definitely (partly?) my own fault, and I am sure most moms out there can relate, whether you are a full time mom or a working mom – it is tough going either way.

I am extremely lucky that I have a hands-on, fully capable husband because we both work full time and I would be nuttier than a fruitcake if had to do it all by myself like some single parents out there (gold stars for all of you by the way).

The point is though, that I feel my social-butterfly self crawling back into its cocoon and I am finding it really hard to claw my way back out.  Partly because by the time the weekend comes I am pretty flopping (I was thinking of a stronger word) exhausted and just want to veg on the couch in my pjs, and partly because none of our immediate friends have kids.

It is actually quite difficult, and lonely at times, to be the only couple in our immediate group who have reached the ‘family’ stage of our lives.  Fair enough, it’s not their problem.

The challenge I face is the age old, well known fact that if people ask you to join them over again and you decline (for whatever reason) more than a socially acceptable amount of times, they eventually stop asking.   The thing is, that my reason for declining is a 17 month little tot who demands majority of my time, and if she is sick or hurt or fighting her sleep routine then I am sorry, but I can’t come out to play – no matter how badly I want to ditch the baby and escape the house for a few hours.

People without kids generally don’t understand this.  Not because they are insensitive or uncaring, but because that isn’t their life and while they can sympathize, they cannot empathize.  They didn’t sign up for this…yet.

When Paige was still a baby it was eezy-peezy.  Put her in the car chair and she would fall asleep on the way and most likely only wake for a bottle, then go back to sleep and we could stick her in the corner or under the table and nothing would wake up that little monkey.  Now though, she is a walking, sort-of-talking, little whirlwind who needs to be constantly watched and entertained.  She is chasing cats and climbing up stairs and being a normal, curious little terror…um, I mean toddler.

Last minute plans that were once no problem are a thing of the past – it takes time to get yourself and a toddler ready to go anywhere.  Have you ever tried changing a nappy on a tot that just wants to run around butt-naked after bath time, and who kicks and screams when you pick her up to lie her down so that you can put the new nappy and pants back on – it’s so much fun (note the sarcasm).  If you are leaving the house for more than half an hour with toddler in tow then you need to pack a bag.  A lot can happen in 30 minutes – cranky ‘cos she’s hungry/needs a nappy change/needs a nap/spit up and needs a new shirt/is teething and needs Panado…etc etc.

Oh the glamorous life of being a mom.  My grown-up thoughts are constantly being invaded by little minion concerns that require planning to factor in when naps, snacks and nappy changes need to occur during the outing.

BUT, please don’t take any of this as me complaining!  That is most definitely not the case and if given the choice over again, knowing what I know now, I would still choose a life that has Paige in it.

All I’m saying is that it is hard work raising a little being, as any parent can agree, and it is also a challenge to maintain friendships with people who are going out for drinks on the town, when all I can afford (time and money) is a coffee or lunch date in the cafe down the road.  How do I catch up with what my friends are up to you ask?…I stalk them on Facebook during my lunch half hour at work.

My current social life is borderline non-existent.

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Sorry I Was Gone So Long…

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I know, it has been a while since my last post and I apologise.

You know how it goes, life gets in the way and before you know it, a month has gone by and you think “where the flopping heck did the time go!”

We have had some family stuff going on with a sibling getting some not so great news and an uncle passing away suddenly.  I will not go into specifics – mainly because I don’t want to – but it’s been a rough month and we are working through it.

BUT, as insensitive as it sounds, life does go on, and a toddler has absolutely no flinking clue about the realities of what grown ups have to deal with sometimes (which is how it should be) so you just have to have a little cry during your 1-minute shower break and then put a smile on your face while you watch Doc Mc Stuffins on Disney Jr and sing-a-long to the “time for your check-up” song while your toddler dances like a drunk minion around you.

That’s parenting.

I’ll post soon…I promise.

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P.S.  In case you haven’t the foggiest idea who Doc Mc Stuffins is – she is a kid who fixes toys and her stethoscope magically brings the toys to life so she can give them a check up and fix them.  It is actually quite adorable and they all dance around and sing little songs.  Paige LOVES it:

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Dads and their Daughters

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Terry & Paige

This is what a first time dad looks like when he gets to hold his daughter up for the family to “oooh” and “aaah” through the glass, just minutes after she was born.  And that look on his face – well, that is what pride and love looks like, with a teeny bit (ie: a bucket load) of fear thrown in at the reality of having to take her home and care for her in just a few days.

I was going to ask Terry to write a post with me for Father’s Day, and then after thinking about it, I decided to rather speak to a few of the ‘dads’ in my life to find out about their most memorable dad moments.  However, this was far easier said than done, and I found it next to impossible to pin any of them down to answer just one question – never mind enough questions for a whole Father’s Day post.

Note to future self – don’t bother trying to rope in your male family members or friends if it has anything to do with memories or sharing emotions.  It’s like asking them to be honest about the fact that they have no idea where we are and that we actually do in fact need to pull over and ask for directions…men.

And whilst I do realise that this is one of those grossly exaggerated sterotypes that gets thrown around by us women, and that you might be different, please just accept that it is the case with a lot of men and that it applies to most of the guys in my family.

Anyhoo,  after failing dismally at my second idea for this post, I was looking at photos of my dad with Paige, and realised that the obvious choice would be to share a few memories of my relationship with my own dad…duh.

So, enter stage right, my dad – here is a little background with a trip down memory lane…


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This is me and my dad with 2 of my sisters – when we were little tots.  I’m 2nd from the left.
circa 1990

When people find out that our immediate family consists of my mom, dad and 4 daughters, they quickly assume that he was horribly out numbered when we were all growing up.  This is NOT true!  My dad ruled our house.  We pushed the limits on more than one occasion, as most kids do, but that saying that has something to do with “bringing down the hammer” (or something to that affect) definitely applied in our house.  Obviously not a real hammer  (don’t be ridiculous).

The House Rules:  I am sure this one is used by parents all over the world, as it provides them with a general ruling  of  “For as long as you live under my roof, you will obey and follow my rules”.   There is no actual list of rules that can be referred to by the child from time to time and a parent may add a rule to the ‘list’ at any time, without warning or written notice.  This covers any misbehaving of any kind that occurs within the family home that is owned by your mom or dad.  No exceptions unless prior permission has been granted, and no negotiations will be entered into if the other parent has already said no…the end.

Anyone can relate to the fact that a child can only push their parent(s) so far before there are consequences.  My Mom and Dad’s favourite:  confiscate or ban an item and/or activity.  The most popular being – TV time, TV games, riding your bike down the road after school with the neighbourhood kids, sleepovers, going to movies, having tuckshop money on a Friday etc etc etc. The list is potentially endless depending on the individual child and their likes or dislikes.

The point is, my dad did not take nonsense from anyone, so just cut it out before you get carried away.  BUT, with any great dad, there are 2 sides – the tough enforcer who does his best to work as a team with your mom to teach you right from wrong, and the mushy popsicle who secretly turns all smooshy when one of his little girls flashes him a smile.  He calls us “Doll”, and “Tooti Fruit” and we actually have stuff in common – crazy right.

I have such great memories of spending time with my dad.  Can you believe there was a time when I was a kid, when I would volunteer to wash the cars and clean out the garage because it would mean doing an activity with my dad – and that was fun.

He has always been so supportive of our choices – even the idiotic ones – because he believed that we needed to make our own decisions and learn from the consequences of those decisions, be it good or bad.  Those are life lessons.  He may have let us get into trouble a few times, but never at the risk of us getting hurt, and he was (and still is) always ready and waiting on the sidelines to jump in and defend at all costs (unless we were being totally unreasonable, then he told us to grow up and think about it).

I’m sure that most of you out there can relate to the idea that a Dad is his sons first superhero and his daughters first shining knight.  Well, I am no different.  My dad has been there for me through thick and thin and even though I may not have agreed with him all the time when I was growing up, it is so clear to me now that everything he did was to protect me and teach me how to be a good person. To respect myself and others, and have a strong value for money earned.  He brought me up to become who I was inside, and didn’t try to push me into being someone he thought I should be.  And he genuinely loves me, for who I am.

It is a real gift to know, without a doubt, that my dad loves me, and is proud of me, and it makes me proud of myself knowing that.  I have taken the life lessons that he gave me, and I have put them to good use (most of the time).  I married an amazing man who loves and honours me and treats me with respect, and I have my own daughter now, who I plan on bringing up in a very similar way to how I (and my sisters) was brought up.

I think that says a lot about the quality of his and my mom’s parenting skills.  You guys nailed it and Dad, I love you to the moon and back – Happy Father’s Day.

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Glitter & Glue

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I read a little blurb last night, from an overseas blog that I follow, and I thought it was great so I wanted to share it with you.

If moms are the glue that hold us together, then dads are the glitter that make everything fun.  When daddy comes home there are squeals of delight and tickle chases that make the house ring.  Dads know the perfect fix for everything from flat tires to monsters in the night.  Cheers to all those guys that make our lives so much brighter!

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I’ll be doing a Father’s Day post on the weekend, written with a few of the ‘dads’ in my life,  so keep an eye out for that.

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